When your bff gets a new bf

New relationships are nauseating. Truly. Admit it, you’ve let out the classic “Ugh, you two are disgusting” when you see two lovebirds post stupid, sappy shit on eachothers Facebook walls, or put up matching profile pictures. If you’re truly honest with yourself I guarantee you can remember one of YOUR past relationships and think “Ew, we were that couple that annoyed everyone.” It happens.

But this nausea is magnified by 1000 when your best friend gets in to a new relationship. Don’t get me wrong, you’re always super excited at first, although slightly worried and still over protective. You happily listen to all the little details from her last date, laugh and squeal in excitement with her, and you even give this new fling some great advice on how to impress her or deal with her anxiety. You just want her to be happy. You all hang out together and you love being the third wheel because you get to be with her and this new guy who seems to be the greatest thing ever. But then it happens….

She just disappears from your life and forgets you exist.

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After a few weeks, it seems like they intentionally leave you out of ALL their outings. You never receive invitations anymore. Of course you don’t want to go everywhere with them! They need space and so do you! But meanwhile she’s only 3 miles down the road with him and you had no idea and no one cared to reach out even though it has been weeks since you’ve seen her. And when you are blessed with her presence, HE IS ALWAYS THERE. They have their own inside jokes and funny stories. You try to assert your role and dominance as best friend by bringing up a joke only she’d get, but your words constantly go unnoticed. And when you get sassy, you get accused of being jealous.

You are certainly not jealous. Are you jealous? No, you just miss her company or some shred of attention you used to receive. Okay maybe it could be jealousy. Or it could just be hurt feelings since you don’t matter AT ALL anymore.

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You start to resent the new boyfriend because it feels like he’s completely taken your bff away from you. She may be blinded by obsession but damn it why doesn’t he say something like “Hey, you should go see so-and-so for lunch today, I have some errands to run anyway.” Nope, their glued to the freaking hip because he sucks.

Your long texting convos are extinct now. The texts she does send to you (usually only responses to you texting her since you don’t get first texts anymore) are short and slightly distanced because she is obviously texting him at the same time….and he’s obviously more important.

Since you’re seemingly not as close (or as important) and you never talk (because she’s always talking to him), it feels like you don’t even know her anymore or whatever happens in her life despite you trying.

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Naturally you eventually snap and say something sly again but this time it will end with a petty argument where mean things are said for no reason. You aggressively question her loyalty to you and then accuse her of getting attached too fast…like she usually does. You’re truly concern but you’re also super annoyed so things come out sounding way worse than you meant them to. She gets defensive and lashes out with shitty comments usually about some shit you did like 4 years ago, or she criticizes something you do that normally would never bother her if she weren’t pissed now.

After the fight you definitely aren’t talking and if you do, it’s obvious there is still tension. The simplest of conversations are cold, defensive and impersonal. You try to suggest getting together but she makes up 100 excuses on why she’s too busy to meet up. You never like fighting with her. You feel like shit and wonder if she does too. But you continue on acting as if you don’t give a fuck because she doesn’t seem to give a fuck.

Then the guilt sets in. It’s not like you don’t want her to be happy. She deserves to be happy! And this new guy makes her happy! You just miss when you were part of her happiness. The guilt gnaws at you as you realize you really are just jealous. He doesn’t suck….as a person. He’s actually a nice guy who is doing a good job of being her boyfriend. But he does suck because he stole her away.

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New relationships are nauseating.

Everyone hates those overly-attached new couples in their honeymoon phase. And you can always tell shit is getting serious in the relationship when she creates a wedding and/or ring board on Pinterest.

It’s fun to be absolutely infatuated with someone and have that feeling returned. How many times do you get to feel that way?! But for those of us pushed to the back burner, just remember THE PHASE ALWAYS ENDS! The nauseating new couple shit will come to an end and real life will resume. You haven’t lost her completely and when this new guys starts feeling more habitual and less like new candy, she will love you as much as she always has. Things go back to normal even if you have to share her. But hey, at least you’re sharing and not entirely shunned anymore! You stay at her house one weekend and another weekend she may be shoved up his butt and not talk to you. But it’s BALANCE.

It’s hard to keep your emotions in check when your bff gets a new bf. Jealousy is normal especially if you’re used to being inseparable with her. But don’t take your jealousy out on her. Being angry or clingy is only going to make her more defensive and push her away. She has no freaking idea how stupid she is being. I mean, we’ve all been in a new relationship and basically fell off the planet with no shame. I didn’t realize how stupid I was being in my last ‘honeymoon phase’ until things got back to normal. Don’t let the honeymoon phases ruin friendships.

As much as it sucks, you have to back off and just let her be stupidly obsessed with her new fling. Don’t accept defeat and leave the picture all together though! Always continue to text her and attempt to make plans you know will get turned down. She needs to know you’re still there so when the phase ends, she can jump right back into best friend role. But no one is saying you can’t still roll your eyes and exclaim your disgust when they post their stupid, sappy shit on Facebook.

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